Abstinence and NFP: Part 1

Ah yes, the part of NFP that people don’t like talking about. As has been addressed before, NFP is not all kittens and rainbows. Does that mean all hope is lost?

No, the truth is that, though incredibly difficult, those windows of abstaining can be beneficial for the couple and can bring about good for your marriage.

To a certain degree, I think all married couples following a natural method at some point have fallen to the belief that NFP is the problem, when, in fact, expectations and reality not aligning as well as believing/comparing a "better means" or the belief that "other couples have more sex" can often times be the culprit when abstaining from intercourse in order to avoid a pregnancy. It's important to understand and to look at what the underlying beliefs and causes are here. When a couple either has a shortened or extended time of abstinence, it's easy to start believing that the grass is greener on the other side, or that if the couple was using contraceptives that their lives would be easier. And sure, maybe at times a couple would feel that's true. But that's not the reality. In the long term, studies have showed a significant reduction in divorces with couples who use NFP. There are a lot of reasons for that, but I won't get into them all here. When we follow God's design in any part of our life, albeit difficult and sometimes the very thing we really resent, it produces good and really can be for our benefit. A reality that's important to understand is that because the reality you are hoping for doesn't .

I don't want to negate real suffering. Because there is exactly that. Suffering from not being able to have sex with your spouse when desired, which is a good of marriage, suffering from the inabiltiy to successfully navigate in a shortened window discerning where times of fertility and infertility are on your chart, as well as many others. My husband flies a plane for a living, so I understand being ships in the night when days your spouse is home doesn't align with intended use of the Creighton Model System. But the fact remains that a lot of good can come from these times, even if difficult in the moment. I would be remiss if I didn't mention: if this is you or your situation, please reach out to one of our very qualified Creighton Practitioners. Your chart should not show continuous fertility, and if it does, we have things like yellow stamps, supplement protocols, and requesting a family planning progesterone draw to help you figure out when your times of fertility and infertility are. You are not alone, and though it may not resolve your frustration for the evening, the long term solution should be able to be obtained.

So what's a couple to do on those days of fertility? Glad you asked. We wrote a series on this awhile back, and part two will contain more practical tips and details. But in short, for now, the couple should focus on all of those other aspects of their relationship to grow in and to love each other well while avoiding. This means if your thing is board games, time to dust those off. If you've been putting off hard or other conversations, this may be the time (gently, and timing does matter) to discuss those. Though it is difficult, those times of abstaining can help you to see what areas you can improve on and are crushing it in your marriage. A lot of couples I've seen benefit from scheduling activities with others or outings to make the time more easily spent. It can take the focus from feeling like you want what you can't do, and onto the focus of enjoyable things you can do together.

If you are struggling with navigating times of fertility or infertility, with times of abstinence, or anything else, please don't hesitate to reach out to any of us at Groesbeck Fertility. We are filled with joy in being able to serve and help you.