“Contraceptive Mentality” and the Creighton Model System

If you’re around circles long enough, you’ve probably heard the question asked “can’t Natural Family Planning (NFP) be used with a contraceptive mindset?” Thankfully for you, I’ve already written a blog post about some of (but not all!) the theological and practical implications that this question begs. Then why write a blog post today? Great question. I’d like to share some of the ways that using contraceptives and that mentality can bleed into the use of planning your family even while using the Creighton Model System to avoid (and not for the reasons you think).

First, to give you a cliff notes version of what I originally wrote: using Creighton is not the same as contraceptives. One accepts God’s plan for a woman’s natural cycle and the ebb and flow of times of fertility and infertility, while the other grasps at fertility and intentionally interferes with the cycle, causing a literal and figurative barrier to a couple of having intercourse and their own fertility.

In light of today’s bog post though, I will share about gratitude and some of the ways a “contraceptive mentality” can bleed into a marriage that uses the Creighton Model System.

To start, it’s important to share and note that one of the biggest impetuses of contraceptives is that is creates a sort of burden on one person (or both) to figure out what they’re going to do to ensure that they don’t get pregnant. Practically speaking, this means one or both of them using a condom, birth control, or other in order to prevent pregnancy.  The impetus is typically on one spouse, whose “responsibility” it is to not get the couple pregnant.

That sort of mentality, (though again, to reiterate, the nature of natural family planning differs entirely from that of using contraceptives) can bleed into the use of the Creighton Model System too. Of course the woman is the one doing the observations (the man can’t feel sensation for her), but how this gets discussed or played out is important in making sure that the couple has a shared responsibility in planning their family, which involves choosing which days to select for intercourse. While I will not tell you what to do, here are some practical suggestions for ways to NOT put all of the family planning on one spouse:

1. Have the man do the charting. As Julie has written about in the past, having the man chart can take the mental load and responsibility off of the wife for sole responsibility of the chart. If your husband has terrible handwriting or forgets to do this, you might forego this option after some time of attempting this.

2. Discussing the times of fertility and infertility. This doesn’t have to be an all or nothing thing. If your mucus pattern stays relatively the same for you, one spouse can bring up the fact that they are entering their window of fertility for x amount of time, and the couple can discuss their intention. The same goes for periods of infertility.

3. Have reminders from the husband about times of observation, especially for observations that the woman tends to forget

4. Periodic reminders and check ins. If you’ve been using Creighton for awhile, you might already have a good system in place about how to go about this best.

The point is, a lot of things go easier with someone in your corner and on your team. I would say to be open to changes and seasons of life, (my fiancé currently does the charting, but that may not be a forever thing once we’re living in the same house together after our wedding) of communicating and sharing family planning responsibilities. Remember - it takes 2 to tango and 2 to create a child. Open discussions and shared responsibility with family planning will make your set intentions easier to stick with and much more bearable of a process.

A note of gratitude: moving from a time of being single to almost married gives me a new appreciation for the shared aspect of using the Creighton Model System. Of course I do all of my own observations (would be weird to have otherwise for more than one reason) but having someone so loving, supportive, and on my team makes the sometimes overwhelming feeling significantly decrease than doing it on my own. I understand that this may not be everyone’s experience, but having someone to carry the load, especially with serious reasons to avoid, make it that much sweeter and less painful to bear. In this stage of engagement, my fiancé reminds me about recording the observation at the end of my day and for now does the actual charting. We have open and honest conversations about how we plan to use the Creighton Model system. Having someone to love and support the use of this method is a tremendous gift, and we hope you and your spouse are also able to navigate ways to share family planning responsibilities. Reach out to a Practitioner today to accompany you as you navigate the shared responsibility of family planning.