Lessons I Learned Teaching Creighton as a Single Woman

Cheers to teaching and learning the Creighton Model System

Everyone has different takeaways, enter teaching or learning Creighton at different stages of life. Mine happened to be while I was still single, had just moved to Michigan (as in, I’m pretty sure I saw my first bit of snow in Michigan during our training) and was very excited to learn to teach the Creighton model system.

Over my time learning as a single woman, a few really important lessons came up frequently that I thought I’d share with you. Again, not having experiential knowledge myself, important themes seemed to merge from the couples that I taught that were a learning tool for me, and hopefully some helpful advice or acknowledgment for you.

1. Seeing fertility or sex as “bad” when avoiding

This is something I saw a lot over the course of teaching initially, and carries into today. Let me start with a principle that helps to understand this: sex is good and is part of God's beautiful divine plan for marriage. It is beautiful no matter the intention (and yes, can bring frustration when a couple isn't able to engage in intercourse the days/times that they desire, but the act itself still remains good). A temptation seemed to creep in when a couple needed to avoid a pregnancy for whatever reason of the mindset that fertility is bad or that sex is bad because they couldn’t enjoy it at the time. It’s important to acknowledge inwardly, or out loud, the goodness of sex with your spouse, and that once the avoiding period is finished, it’s something the married couple can look forward to.

While every couple employs different strategies while avoiding to stick with their intended use of the method, I would caution against the mindset described above. First, the mindset isn't true and secondly, it doesn't help long term use of using a

method to avoid a pregnancy. Instead, I’d encourage being on the same team, acknowledging the difficulty, and then doing something together during that time (note: laying in bed for an hour while avoiding a pregnancy seems to exacerbate the issue. Pick a movie to watch, have a good conversation together (somewhere out in the open), grab a board game in the cold winter Michigan months, etc.

2. Along those lines, couples seemed to snap and be shorter with each other when it had been awhile since intercourse occurred

   This is an important lessons for spouses to address in their marriage. When meeting with couples it became very apparent (apart from charting days of intercourse on their chart) that couples seemed to snap at each other, be frustrated more quickly, or other tendencies when it had been awhile (awhile here is different for every couple based on frequency on sex they tend to have) since they had sex together. There is a whole host of theological and biological reasons for this, but since it's a blog post I'll keep it short. Sex bonds the couple, is the act that allows couples to partake in a very unique way in his design for them, among many other reasons. If it's been "awhile" since you and your spouse have had intercourse, be curious about the reasons why and evaulate if that trajectory is one you have intentionally chosen, or if it's a time to come together once more.

3. The importance of communication - especially being on the same page about expectations for sex. I noticed very frequently that frustration amounted when one spouse expected another to know both their expectations and limitations when it comes to sex, and didn't seem very obvious to me that they had actually said out loud, in real words, what they were expecting to the other. They sort expected the other to know, and got frustrated when either their spouse didn't know or didn't act on it. However the conversations need to be had, it is important to address the frequency of sex, that you desire to have it on a particular day/time (those cues you might be giving sometimes aren't as obvious as they seem), and your expressed intention in using the Creighton Model system. Along with this, it's important to learn to grow in this area, and that you won't have it all figured out in one shot. Seasons of life, job changes, kids, the actual season (busy summers vs winter time, etc) all factor into the "how often" or "limitation" expectations.

   
   

4. Women/couples wishing they had learned sooner, or the woman wishing she had explored any potential underlying health conditions and/or appreciation for her fertility well before she was even married.

   I have heard so often "why didn't I know this sooner?" followed by a certain sadness and frustration at not knowing more about their bodies than right now when they are trying to actively troubleshoot something. Women wish they had known sooner - and I will die on the hill that every woman deserves to know about her body, as God designed it to be, with all of the mysteries and wonders that accompany it. Of course, you wouldn't teach a 12 year old the same things you would be teaching a married couple, but it is important to build a culture of appreciation for your body and your fertility. I wrote an entire post about the benefits of learning Creighton/a natural method early which you can find here: https://themarriagegroup.com/what-you-didnt-know-about-natural-family-planning/. Ultimately though, couples or single women have a tendency to come to us in the throws of a fertility issue or cause, which can make the pain feel that much more strong because they are actively going through it. It helps to learn to chart before there's an issue if you can, so you can start to identify signs on your chart and address them before being in the throw of pain. However, no matter what state you find yourself in, we are here to help and accompany you and help you through it!

So, now that you know a few takeaways that even a single Practitioner learned, apply whatever you need to yourself, and reach out to us to get the process going (or re-learning) how to chart using the Creighton Model System!