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  • Writer's pictureAnna Murphy, FCP

Have the conversation

Over the years, I’ve had a lot of clients in tough situations. It’s been a doctor that wasn’t listening to my client’s needs or advocating for them, it’s been issues within a relationship where the couple isn’t on the same page of how often sex should be happening, it’s the couple with such severe medical issues that they’re afraid to turn to anyone else because they just don’t know where to go and have given up hope.

We’ve all had these experiences in life. Maybe you have a friend who hurt your feelings that you’re afraid to tell why, all the while you’ve already started pulling back. Or, maybe it’s your kids that won’t leave you alone and you’re stressed out and need to just ask them for 5 minutes so you don’t completely lose your cool. Whatever the circumstance is - we’ve all been there. This can be applied in the world of fertility as well, and perhaps in ways you haven’t identified yet.

Some of the underlying themes (I said some, it’s a blog so I cannot go into all of them here) is the fear, or, rather, the struggle, of having the conversations that needs to be had. That conversation that you’re waiting to have might just have all of the hope you’ve been longing for and the answers you’ve been awaiting. The fear, of course, is that it isn’t. That the response you’re hoping and longing for is the complete and total opposite. Which is discouraging and hurtful, to name a couple of emotions. But the fact of the matter is, and I say this with love, is that you’re already suffering from the lack of the response or answer from another person, and part of yourself is already given to that. Discovering the answers, by asking the really hard questions or simply by letting someone know how you feel, is an important step to experiencing the peace, freedom, and healing that you desire. Even if (when) your face turns every shade of red in the process.

Take the couple who keeps seeing their doctor, but doesn’t feel their needs aren’t being met. Most likely they’ve already lost trust, and what the doctor relays to them, even if it is helpful and true, won’t be taken as such because they don’t feel heard. Maybe the conversation needs to take place with the doctor about this, express their concern, if they’re really hoping to stay with them. Otherwise, transferring to another doctor may be in their best interest. Our Napro doctors are also amazing and ready to help.

Now take the couple who feels like they’re not on the same page sexually. One always desires to have sex, and the other feels like they’re always saying no. The realistic conversation that needs to take place (timing of the conversation, gentleness, and use of “I feel” statements are all very important here) is what each of their expectations are for how often they’d like to have sex. It might be awkward and uncomfortable to say these expectations out loud, but to avoid one person feeling rejected, and the other feeling like a jerk of that their spouse only ever wants to have intercourse with them and doesn’t care about the rest of them, is a conversation worth having about how often each is expecting intercourse to take place.

So whether it’s a conversation you need to have with your significant other/spouse, your kids, a doctor, or whoever, just remember - it’s a conversation worth having. Let us know how we can help facilitate the conversations for you by reaching out to one of our lovely practitioners to walk alongside of you on the way!

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