Lies and False Beliefs about Infertility

The other week I wrote about lies that women tend to beleive when they are struggling with miscarriage, and today I want to write about the truths and false beliefs that women can hold about themselves, their sitation, and about God when infertility enters the picture.

As the scorching 90 and upper 80 degree weather cools down here in Michigan (which, seeing as I'm originally from Florida seems a little silly to write), school is about to gear up, students are flooding all of the Targets and other stores with college deals and finds, you might find yourself settling back into a rhythm that summer doesn't always offer. Especially in Michigan, you find ways to soak up the sun, get on a boat or any body of water that is finally not frozen, and enjoy the long summer days. But sometimes our rhythm or routine can be off from normal, or perhaps there are important things about ourselves or about our lives that we know we need to address, and having the beginning of fall (I'm looking at you, pumpkin spice lattes) not too far away, is a good time to reset. For those who have been struggling with infertility, it might be time to grab a hot cup of coffee (or tea) and start to unpack those "skeletons" (even though it's a little early for Halloween) in the closet that might be making the hardship more straining.

Walking through fertility struggles is not only a physical battle but also a deeply spiritual and emotional one. In the quiet ache of waiting, it’s easy for lies to creep in—lies about ourselves, our situation, and even about God. But there is hope and healing to be found.

Lie #1: “My worth depends on whether I can have children.” When month after month brings disappointment, it can feel like your value as a woman is slipping away. But God does not define you by what your body can or cannot do. All women are created as mothers. And through the aching pain of physical motherhood not being a reality, or the reality you imagined it being, you can still take comfort that your foundation in Christ is secure, and that spiritual motherhood can still be lived out, even in this trying time. Your identity is secure in Him: “You are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you” (Isaiah 43:4). Motherhood is a beautiful calling, but it is not the measure of your worth. You are beloved simply because you are His daughter and He delights in you.

Lie #2: “God must be punishing me.” In seasons of suffering, the thought can creep in that God is withholding blessings out of anger or disappointment. Or sometimes, something from our past, or skipping a single day of a supplement or other medication can all but rain down when we think that "maybe I don't deserve to have children" or that perhaps God maybe be punishing you. Scripture tells us otherwise: “The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love” (Psalm 103:8). Infertility is not punishment—it is a painful reality of living in a fallen world. God does not take pleasure in your pain. Instead, He draws near: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18).

Lie #3: “I am alone in this.” The silence of waiting can feel isolating, especially when others’ lives seem full of what you long for. But you are never truly alone. Jesus promises, “I am with you always, to the end of the age” (Matthew 28:20). Even when others cannot see or understand your struggle, He walks every step with you. His presence is constant, steady, and tender. Talk to your spouse about the emotions you are experiencing, find a good counselor/therapist to discuss (and let us know if you need some reccomendations!), and some friends who will support you in this. Make sure to make time to spend with the Lord to hear his comfort and His voice.

Lie #4: “Hope will only hurt me.”Protecting your heart by shutting down hope may feel safer, but true hope in God is never wasted. “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure” (Hebrews 6:19). Hope is not wishful thinking that everything will turn out exactly as you want—it is trusting that God is good, that He has a plan, and that He can bring beauty even out of pain.

The truth is this: infertility does not define you. God has not forgotten you, and He never will. “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope”(Jeremiah 29:11). Even in waiting, you are deeply loved, wholly valuable, and never alone.

Don't hesitate to reach out to a today, unpack those skeletons in your closet, and be set free from the lies and misbeliefs that you are holding.