Pumpkin Spice? Try Relationship SPICE.

Fall is here. The leaves are changing, the mornings are crisp, and pumpkin spice is everywhere. From lattes to cereal to candles, society is obsessed with adding spice to everything. But if you’re navigating the Creighton Model FertilityCare System, there is another kind of SPICE that deserves your attention right now—especially as the holiday season is upon us.

Whether you're avoiding, achieving, or "whatevering," SPICE is important. SPICE looks past just the sexual component of a relationship and views it as a whole. Have you ever wondered why tracking your fertility with Creighton includes teaching on SPICE? Well, the effectiveness rates of Creighton (really all NFP) depend on behavior. A couple can choose to behave in a way where their intention (avoiding or achieving) aligns with their actions (having intercourse on days of fertility or not), or they can do the opposite. I have, on many occasions, reviewed a chart only to see acts of intercourse on days of fertility while simultaneously being told that the couple is currently (and has been) avoiding pregnancy. [Insert confused face here]. When I question couples about this, I often just get the "well, you know" or "we didn't talk about it." I've actually had couples break out in arguments because there was a communication breakdown. This is where SPICE comes in.

SPICE is not just a cute acronym; it’s a teaching tool designed to flip the script on how we view intimacy. SPICE reminds us that human connection is holistic, and it breaks down into five distinct pillars: Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Communicative, and Emotional.

Since it’s the season of cozying up and slowing down before the holiday rush hits, let's look at how to practically inject these five flavors into your marriage this month.

1. Spiritual & Physical SPICE: The Foundation

Let's bundle these two together because they set the tone. Spiritual intimacy doesn't mean you need to lock yourselves in a room for a two-hour theological study. While that sounds great to me, my husband would cry. Instead, take advantage of the early autumn sunsets and beautiful trees. Go for a quick, 10-minute walk around the block, hold hands, and pray out loud together. Just thank God for the changing seasons and each other. When you get back inside, lean into Physical intimacy—which, despite what culture tells us, is not synonymous with intercourse. Physical intimacy is about affirming touch that builds trust. Be sure you've talked about this because what is affirming touch for one might be arousing touch for the other. Pour a warm mug of coffee, chai, or apple cider, snuggle up and just enjoy being physically near each other with absolutely zero expectations or pressure to have intercourse.

2. Intellectual & Communicative SPICE: Sharing Minds

Intellectual intimacy can be as simple as sharing ideas. When was the last time you discussed something other than household logistics, the kids' schedules, or work stress? Find a short article, a poem, or even a chapter of a book you both find interesting. Read it aloud to each other while relaxing on a chilly evening, and share one thought that stuck out to you. Not the reading type? How about working on a project together? Refab an old piece of furniture, build a motorcycle engine, build a website, or pick a project that both of you find interesting. This naturally flows into Communicative intimacy. It’s easy to talk at each other about your to-do lists, but communicative SPICE is about intentional, non-logistical talking. Put the phones in another room, skip the TV for one night, and use a lighthearted conversation starter to learn something new about your spouse. Ask them something nostalgic, like: "What is your absolute favorite childhood memory of the late fall or holiday season?"

3. Emotional SPICE: The Safety Net

Finally, there's Emotional intimacy, which is all about vulnerability, safety, and affirmation. As the weather gets colder and the calendar gets busier heading into the holidays, a little emotional warmth goes a long way. Take a quiet moment before bed to look your spouse in the eye and give them one specific, heartfelt compliment. Tell them exactly how you've felt supported, seen, or loved by them recently.

The Bottom Line

Navigating your fertility together is a beautiful thing, but your marriage is vastly larger than just a row of stamps on a chart. If your charting routine has felt a little clinical or frustrating lately, don't let it freeze out your connection. Pick just one of these pillars to try with your spouse this week. And remember, if you ever feel stuck, overwhelmed, or just need to troubleshoot your chart to bring the joy back into the journey, you don't have to figure it out alone. Reach out to one of our Practitioners to schedule an appointment! Happy autumn, and happy charting!