Carrying Your Own Cross

I know, I know. Lent is over. So why the heavy topic? Well friends, as we’ve seen in the past weeks, life during the Easter season isn’t always filled with happiness even if it’s filled with joy. I think I’ve been growing in awareness of just how heavy the cross can be, even in the midst of Easter joy. National infertility awareness week was last week, and a month ago was pregnancy after loss awareness. While these are dedicated weeks/months, being able to grieve what can sometimes feel like a cross of fertility doesn’t always have labels. 

We all have things we struggle with. Struggling with work/jobs, finances, communication, how much coffee is appropriate in a single day, etc. Though I jest about the latter part of that, I think these are areas we can all expect to struggle with, and to some degree can sympathize when others struggle. I think an area that hits deeper often times and we struggle to relate more is about fertility, babies, and pregnancy intentions. 

I think it’s a lot more tender when we realize that almost everyone (if not actually everyone) also struggles in some aspect when it comes to fertility. That carrying your own cross isn’t limited to just more surface level stuff like coffee not being ready when you need it or limited to state of life. There can be universal and particular suffering in the area of fertility.

Let me give you some examples. There are couples struggling with infertility, single women who are hoping but struggling with the thought that someday they may or may not have kids, the couple who needs to seriously avoid a pregnancy but can’t figure out their chart so they’re abstaining for a long period of time. Couples who have had a child before and can’t seem to get to the bottom of why they are unable to have another child (secondary infertility). 

It’s important that as much as you’re able to not judge in these situations. Perhaps you may not understand why the couple who doesn’t want more babies at the time is doing so. Perhaps the couple with infertility cannot understand why in God’s goodness they cannot conceive when everyone around them seems to be able to. Or maybe you’re the woman looking around who is still single trying to figure out why married people complain about NFP and fertility in the first place because hey, at least you’re married and have found your person. Can you see how a conversation about sexuality, babies, and fertility can be VERY heavy, even if it’s not your situation? 

The cross is an unavoidable one. No matter which state you find yourself in it can be a heavy one. We’re called to carry our own cross, even when the weight might feel at times that you’re going to be buried under its weight. It’s not a cross you carry alone - if you’re married, hopefully with your spouse. Hardships shared with good friends. Support groups or therapy to work through difficulties. Your Creighton practitioner helping you to work through certain aspects and is there to cheer you on. The prayers and support of loving priests, friends, and family members. All of this can help lighten the load. Look to the Lord in your own struggle and bring to him any thoughts you might have as you look at others’ crosses. 

When we look around at others’ crosses and think to yourself “I’d rather be struggling with x” it’s important to remember that you don’t know what that’s like. Perhaps you don’t understand the difficulty in which it is to abstain. Maybe you found your vocation early in life and you struggle to understand why single people have difficult times surrounding their desire for children. The reality is - no matter how much the “grass looks greener on the other side” the reality is the cross you are looking at and might be envying is probably a lot weightier, longer, and difficult than you’re imagining. Try to carry your own cross, the weight, burden, and heaviness with the Lord, not carrying or worrying about the cross someone else is asked to carry (note: this does not mean to not help others. Please, by all means, do. But don't think that their cross is sweeter just because it isn't yours). Pray for that person, try to have compassion. And also have compassion for yourself. It’s a cross, not a lightweight feather, and it’s good to allow yourself to grieve the life you thought you’d be living, imagined yourself living, or the situation you thought you’d be in. maybe indulge in a fancy cappuccino or some ice cream along the way ;) Make room for others to hold space with you - to grieve and to cherish what they have even if it may be different from you. And above all, know that you are not alone in carrying your cross. The Lord is always with you, the saints in heaven are cheering you on, and if you look around honestly there are probably a few or a lot of people who around you who love you deeply and have compassion towards you and would be happy to sit and listen to share in your struggle with you (even if they can’t lift the burden for you entirely). Always feel free to reach out to us at Groesbeck Fertility, and let us know how we can help and assure you that you are not alone