Remembering the Littlest of Ones

Remembering the littlest of ones

     We have now entered into the month of November, the month that the Catholic Church uses in a particular way to remember all the souls who have gone on before us, including remembering the littlest of ones whose existence on this side of Heaven may be known only to their mother and father. As Catholics, we know that a new human life begins at the exact moment of conception, a fact that becomes bittersweet when 1 out of 4 pregnancies can end in miscarriage. There are many ways to honor, acknowledge, and grieve the life of a baby lost to miscarriage, no matter how shortly after conception that precious life ended. The goal of this post is to offer some concrete ways to do just that.

     Bury the Dead: One of the Corporal Works of Mercy, burying a baby lost to miscarriage can offer a very concrete way for parents to grieve the loss of their little one. It can allow an opportunity for other siblings or family members to come and support the couple during their time of loss. Under state law in Michigan, even if a D&C was needed in the case of a missed miscarriage or other reason for hospitalization, parents have the right to their child’s remains. During our time of grief and uncertainty, contacting our pastor was the first step in managing our grief, and having a ceremony at the cemetery for our little Gloria Grace brought immense peace during a time of heartache and confusion. At Holy Spirit Parish in Brighton, there is an Angelus Memorial specifically designed for the entombment of babies lost to miscarriage.

     Write your baby’s name in the Book of the Names of the Dead: During the month of November at every Catholic Church, there is a Book of the Names of the Dead in which anyone may write the name of a deceased family member, including a baby lost to miscarriage. The book acts as a physical reminder of those who have gone on before us and how we can continue to pray for them. In cases where maybe a specific name was not given to a baby, simply writing “Baby [your last name]” can be a beautiful way to have a physical representation of a life known only to its parents and God. I found this particularly helpful during a miscarriage where there was a faintly positive pregnancy test that resulted in a period starting 2 days later, a pregnancy that is frequently termed a “chemical pregnancy”. Being able to write Baby Klinkhammer the following November in the Book of the Names of the Dead at our parish was a bittersweet way to acknowledge the short light of life that was lost without a way to bury a baby or have an ultrasound picture as a physical reminder of a life that existed. The Jude's Garden on the Fruitful Hollow is also a beautiful physical reminder of a life that ended in miscarriage.

     Attend Revival: A Grieving Mother's Healing Retreat: The Diocese of Lansing is hosting a retreat for mothers grieving the loss of a baby through miscarriage, stillbirth and early infant lost Friday, November 20th through Sunday, November 22^nd at the Saint Francis Retreat Center in Dewitt, Michigan. A retreat can be such beautiful way to connect with others experiencing the same kind of loss, though not always in the same way. Giving yourself the permission to take the time and space to move through your grief alongside the Author of Life Himself, the Divine Physician, the One who knew your child before he or she was formed in the womb, can help you experience the peace your wounded heart is seeking from the only One you can provide it. More information about the retreat can be found here, including how to register to attend.

     The loss of a baby, no matter their gestational age, is the loss of a life created in the image and likeness of God, a life that will always be remembered. While the pain, heartbreak, grief, confusion, and uncertainty surrounding the loss of a baby is very real, there are some actions that a grieving couple can take to start processing a loss. This includes our brothers and sisters hurt by abortion, no matter how long ago it occurred. May we all take hope in the words of Lamentations in a particular way during this month of November: “The Lord’s acts of mercy are not exhausted, His compassion is not spent. They are renewed each morning – great is your faithfulness! The Lord is my portion, I tell myself, therefore I will hope in Him.” Lamentations 3:22-24