Healing after Miscarriage
1 in 4 pregnancies will end in miscarriage. But the fact that
miscarriages are so very common and experienced by so many women in no way decreases the pain and grief. Whether the miscarriage is experienced very early or later on in pregnancy, the grief is real. Just like any kind of grief, there is no one way to begin to heal and pick up the pieces. Some of these resources and suggestions may not be helpful for you, but I hope they provide a starting place for those women and men looking for healing after the loss of their little ones.
Finding support is important. This can take many forms. Therapy is a great place to
process grief and difficult emotions and find a path forward. It can also provide education about grief and the stages that most people move through. Couples therapy is another
option to consider, especially if the experience of miscarriage has put a strain on the marriage. Sharing your emotions with your spouse and finding ways to process what has happened together can be very healing. Friends and family members can also be sources of support. Since miscarriages are sadly very common, you may be surprised by the number of people in your life who have experienced similar losses and may be willing to be that listening ear for you. Support groups are another important resource. They may be available locally or virtually. You can try searching online, reaching out to your parish and diocese, or connecting with ministries like Red Bird. A woman from my parish walked with me after my
miscarriage and even organized a meal train for my husband and I.
Reading other women’s stories has been helpful for me as well. It can be a simple place to start while you work on finding the people in your life who are prepared to accompany you. These stories can be found in a devotional like this one or online. You might also find it
helpful to join a Facebook group to talk with other women who have experienced a loss
Finding ways to remember the baby I lost has been very important for me. There are so
many ways to do this. Many couples name their babies. If the gender was unknown, they may choose gender neutral names, choose two names (boy and girl), or choose a name based on the gender they felt their baby was. They can then ask their little saint in Heaven to pray for them in this journey after loss.
Some people choose to bury their baby. Many cemeteries have a special place for babies and offer burials free of charge. Some funeral homes will also work with families free of charge as well. Little Souls at Rest can provide general information about burial as well as financial assistance. There are many other ways to remember your baby. You could find a special plant for your garden, purchase a print on Etsy, choose a special piece of jewelry, purchase an engraved stone with your baby’s name, or frame an ultrasound picture. I have a little cross with my little saint’s name engraved on it and wear a special pendant on my necklace to remember her. I also have a little box of things to remember her. You can find public or private ways to remember your baby.
Working through grief is a process that takes time. Hopefully these suggestions provide a
starting place to begin the journey. Your practitioner can provide referrals and help you navigate charting after a loss.