
It's a new year! (How long do we get to keep saying that? - We're still in the first half of January so I think I can keep wishing you a Happy New Year for a bit longer!)
If you're like a lot of people, myself included, you might have some personal goals for self-improvement in the new year. I'd like to offer you a small, simple (albeit challenging) and powerful tool for improving your life, including whatever season of fertility you find yourself in. That tool is your mindset. Our brains are the most powerful tool we have for changing our lives! The truth is, you only have real control over one thing - your mind. You can't control your spouse, your ovaries, the weather, the political climate, your children, the way your body feels on any given day - really anything. Bleak thought. But you can control the way you think about these things which means you can control your experience of these things. This changes everything.
If you never take stock and ownership of what you're thinking, your mind is going to take the path of least resistance. It's going to decide your outlook on things based on your life experience, the way you grew up, the stories that you believe about yourself and the world around you. But if you take some time to identify what exactly you're thinking, you can decide whether or not those thoughts you think automatically are serving you. If they're not serving you, you can change those thoughts. Your mind will believe what you tell it repeatedly! Let me give you some fertility focused examples.
This chart is so confusing and makes no sense!
I've been charting for years and nothing has ever changed. This is pointless.
This pain is unbearable. It feels like I'm being punished for trying to do things the "right way".
Maybe you've experienced one of these thoughts before. Let me start by saying, they're all really valid feelings to have. All of the women that teach in our FertilityCare Center are overflowing with compassion for the excruciatingly difficult situations that many of our clients walk through. We've been in many of those circumstances ourselves at one time or another. "Toxic positivity" is not a part of any follow up. That being said, we want to empower you and I'm a firm believer that you can receive care and compassion while also taking steps to change your thoughts and beliefs which will improve your experience and your life.
Let's take our examples:
This chart is so confusing and makes no sense! ..... Every chart tells a story and every day I chart is helping me understand mine better.
I've been charting for years and nothing has ever changed. This is pointless. ... This journey has taught me so much about myself. Not a single observation is a waste. I have an invaluable health record that most women don't have.
This pain is unbearable. It feels like I'm being punished for trying to do things the "right way". ... Pain is my brain and body's way of communicating with me. I'm so glad I'm listening to my body and not ignoring it or shutting it down. Every day brings me one step closer to giving my body what it needs to thrive.
I'd also like to share a few of my other favorite, more generic, mindset mantras.
All of my problems have solutions.
I will let go of how I expect this [situation/day/appointment/procedure] to go and relax into how it unfolds.
Everything is always working out for me. (Romans 8)
I feel peaceful in the radical acceptance of my current reality.
Let's talk about that last one.... "radical acceptance of my current reality". Woof. That can be brutal. I first heard this phrase in a talk by Fr. Mike Schmitz and it really resonated with me. Because there's a spiritual reality there - that ultimately God is in control and my growth into who I was created to be will come from my ability to embrace and accept the reality of the circumstances in which I find myself. And, even more difficult at times, developing a "holy indifference". Not an indifference to my circumstances that says, "I give up. I don't care anymore. What's the point. It will be what it will be." But a truly holy indifference that says "I'm not in control of this situation but I know who is. I know that the God who is in control of this situation and every situation in my life is a good and loving and trustworthy Father who is working everything for my ultimate good." I can strive to have a holy indifference to how any situation actually plays out because however it goes, I know that is His will for my life. Our ability to lean into that reality ultimately draws us into closer relationship with Him.
I'd like to leave you with one final thought. I think it's safe to say that Our Lord was the original "master your mindset" influencer. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 says, "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
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