Daria Bailey, FCP
SPICE, part 6 (Emotional)
We have come to the end of our SPICE series, hope you have learned a new thing or two. To close out our series we are going to talk about the emotional connection between couples. This may be the part of your relationship you are most uncomfortable with or have a hard time addressing, but it is a very important part of a healthy and intimate relationship with your significant other.
Previously we spoke about the spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative, and communication aspects of a relationship. Each part plays a key role in the success of your relationship. This is why we use the SPICE Index in the CrMS. Being able to bond "outside the bedroom" is just as important as all that takes place "in the bedroom." If you think about it, a relationship would be unfulfilling and frankly so boring if the only point of connection was genital contact. Growth in a relationship comes from many different places.
Emotions. I bet when you hear that word it makes you cringe or roll your eyes. Emotions tend to have a bad rap. But if you really think about it, without them we would not be us. The dictionary defines emotions as "a natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one's circumstances, mood, or relationships with others." They are not just our state of mind at any given time but can be a big part of the building blocks that make up our relationships.
In our previous blog post we talked about communication and how important it is to maintain a healthy dialogue with your significant other. Part of being able to communicate with your loved one is being able to express your emotional state of mind. As much as we would like our spouses to be mind readers and to know exactly what we are feeling when we are feeling it, this is not the case. We have to let them know what we are feeling when we are feeling it.
Imagine you have a bad day at work. You messed up on a project, and your boss was not too pleased with you. How would you feel? Frustrated? Angry? Sad or defeated? Maybe a mix of all these, none the less you would not be in the best mood. Now would it be good to just shove all those feelings down and then head home and pretend like nothing bad happened that day? Of course not! Your husband or wife would know something is off. You might even snap at them or your children with no explanation. When it comes to our emotions, we have to be able to share them no matter how difficult. Your emotions are not a burden; they are a big part of what makes you, you. Keep in mind we do have to be healthy about our emotions and have to keep them in check. Being all over the place with them is just as bad as not expressing them at all. Truly, emotions and your emotional state of mind can be a complex thing.
If there is one thing you have learned in this SPICE series. I hope it's that life is meant to be lived with one another. Although physical intimacy is very important in a relationship, it is not everything. Being able to connect with your spouse in all aspects (spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative, communication, and emotional) is just as important. If you need help with any of these parts of your relationship, there is help available. Just like emotions, seeking out counseling is never a bad thing. We all need help sometimes, and it is does not make you less of a strong person to ask for it. Search for counselors in your area, and find the best one for you and your significant other. If you need help, please reach out to one of us practitioners, and we would be happy to assist you in finding the right counselor. Us practitioners are no experts by any means, but we are passionate in helping all the couples we serve to have a healthy relationship in every aspect.