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  • Writer's pictureJessica Kennedy, CFCP

Let's Get SPICE-y!

Updated: Apr 23

Couple Cooking

Why do FertilityCare Practitioners use SPICE anyway? Why do they ask us about other parts of our marriage? Can’t we just skip that part? We're here to learn how to [fill in the blank regarding fertility]. It's just the same old thing and I'm sure we are doing it right anyway? WHY WHY WHY do we have to fill out this SPICE index?! We just need to learn to chart and that will be good enough....right? What if "good enough" can be even better? The way you think of intimacy can impact your ability to fully love and respect the person you're in a relationship with. There are two types of thinking of intimacy: genitocentric (centered genitally) and cerebrocentric (centered cerebrally).

"Genital contact", as used in your Creighton Model instructions, is any contact with the genitals. In our society, it can be so easy to get caught up in a genitocentric way of thinking because we are surrounded by it daily from T.V., advertising, music, movies, and books. No wonder it can be so easy to start to think this is a normal way of thinking. Sex has been cheapened and degraded to just a act of pleasure. We are a society that wants instant gratification and waiting for something will be the end of us.

This is so far from the truth. We are made to be cerbrocentric with our sexuality. We can look at our sexuality in a holistic way. Sexual contact is Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Creative and Emotional. When we learn to think this way it helps us to grow and sacrifice pleasure for the other person. It allows us to grow in self discipline which will allow us to grow in self discipline in all other areas of our lives.

It can help either person to be disciplined in not succumbing to the temptation to cheat because it would be pleasure right now and feel good right now. Instead it will allow that person to say no because they have been saying no to their spouse out of love and respect.

When you truly love someone you are willing to make sacrifices for their well being or your future. You will come to see how important SPICE truly is to keep you connected, respecting and loving each other in different ways. There have been couples who abstain for months due to serious health concerns (more on this in a future post) and they often find that, through using SPICE, it was bearable if not better due to the connection they had created. Through learning to show love and connect in new ways, we are able to strengthen marriages.

At this point you might be thinking that you already have a great relationship of love and respect. I sincerely hope that you do. But why not try another tool to keep it that way? SPICE is not just used to build, but to refresh and maintain. SPICE helps us to be intentional in our relationship instead of just letting it happen.

SPICE is very important in all stages of marriage and engagement. It is easy to say "we will get to this when we get to it". The truth is, we are changing as individuals everyday which means our relationships change as well. Over time, with evaluations, you will realize that what's most important to you in SPICE also changes with time. So I challenge you to look at SPICE and see that the suffering of waiting is not as bad as one might imagine. Sometimes the key to growth is discipline, suffering and patience. I challenge you to do the SPICE BINGO worksheet on our social media feed and let us know how it went!

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