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  • Writer's pictureNatalie Klinkhammer, CFCP

Total Eclipse of the Chart

Updated: Apr 23

Eclipse

Maybe it’s because I stared at the sun too long yesterday without “special eclipse sunglasses”. Maybe it’s because I recently added “Total Eclipse of the Heart” to my run playlist (I don’t even know why it wasn’t there already. Quite embarrassing.) Maybe it’s because I have had the privilege of connecting with so many couples working through infertility. Whatever the reason, the stars aligned- or I guess the moon in front of the sun? I honestly am not 100% sure what I risked blindness for yesterday when stealing glances at the sun. Either way, space analogies aside, it only seemed fitting to focus this blog on the emotional roller coaster of charting during a season of infertility by comparing it to the beloved 1983 hit “Total Eclipse of the Heart” sung by the talented Bonnie Tyler.

    

I am sure it is a song we are all familiar with…but just in case you need a refresher, take a minute to listen to the song linked above. While I realize this song is based on a rocky-at-best relationship that is filled with lots of emotions and ends with even more emotions and questionable choices, it really is not that unlike a couples’ experience with their chart month after month when working through infertility. The beginning of the song focuses on all of the negative emotions that can run through a woman’s head while working through infertility:

                “Every now and then I get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming ‘round”…dry cycles anyone? Anovulatory cycles?

 

                “Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears”…infertility comes with lots of frustration, sadness, and uncertainty to say the least.

 

                “Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by”…a line for all the women who are afraid they are “too old” to conceive a baby.

 

The lyric analogies go on and on as the music builds:

 

“Together we can take it to the end of the line. Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time (all of the time). I don’t know what to do and I’m always in the dark. We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks”…a couple frustrated with their infertility can frequently feel like they have no answers, weighed down by the constant cloud of infertility and can sometimes begin to take their frustrations out on each other.


And of course the lyrics near the end of the song:

“Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I’m only falling apart. Nothing I can do, A total eclipse of the heart”…In the beginning of marriage, when a couple begins to respond to the holy desire to bring children into their family, they begin to fall in love with the idea of what their family will look like. Infertility is rarely something considered in those early days of marriage. When the pain of that cross is realized, a couple can feel like their whole future is spiralizing out of their reach and control, leading to feelings of hopelessness.


Sheesh, how did we go from talking about the sun to all of this heaviness? If you stuck it out to the end of this blog- and indeed to the end of the jammy but lengthy song- we find the very last line: “Turn around, bright eyes”. A line of hope, encouraging that a change is needed. And yes, this applies to couples with infertility as well. Maybe you or someone you know is feeling frustrated with infertility and a lack of answers for their specific situation and needs to reach out to one of our FertilityCare Practitioners to learn the Creighton Model. Maybe this couple needs to change tactics on addressing their fertility concerns by beginning to work with a NaPro physician who will listen to their concerns and do a deep dive into their fertility concerns while respecting the dignity of women and the integrity of marriage. Maybe working with a therapist or a marriage counselor is needed at this time as the burden of infertility has taken its toll on the couple’s relationship.  Whatever the situation, please contact us, even if you are just curious about the hope the Creighton Model and NaPro technology can offer couples. Remember, it’s not “nothing I can do”…there IS something you can do. And thus, we reach the end of the saga Total Eclipse of the Chart.

 

References:

Steinmen, Jim. (1983). Total Eclipse of the Heart. [Recorded by Bonnie Tyler]. Retrieved from https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/bonnietyler/totaleclipseoftheheart.html

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